I am still mad

*Warning - strong, foul language*



I apparently still have anger issues. I thought I was working my way through them. And, I am, I guess. I'm not as angry as I was (good thing), but little things set me off.

We live on the bottom floor of an apartment complex. I was trying to take a nap yesterday and the kid that lives upstairs was making so much fucking noise our sliding glass door was rattling. Now, I like kids. It is summer, kids are home, bored, playing, being kids basically. But DAMN! I feel like I got irrationally mad. Good thing I have some manners and didn't say anything. He was just being a kid.

Today, I was walking to the post office. I was crossing a street IN THE CROSSWALK and this stupid mother fucker in his big ass pickup truck just kept going! He had to stop and wait for the traffic before turning right, and sat right in front of me, blocking the fucking crosswalk. He wasn't able to turn until after I had already made it across. Now, what would it have hurt for him to wait BEHIND the crosswalk? Don't pedestrians have the right of way? Stupid red-neck tattooed asshole. (I'm not insulting tattooed people, really. I have two tats myself.)

So, two days, two happenings that just got me going. WTF? I'm not usually so irritable.

What I am really mad at right now is.....John fucking DIED! He fucking DIED! Why couldn't he just get really sick? Why did it have to be so bad that he died? Why???????????????????? Why did he have to fucking die?

Why do I have to go through grief? I'm basically a good person. Last night was group grief therapy. I was mad and didn't go. Why do I have be going on the grief journey? It is not fucking FAIR!!!!! I don't want to do it anymore!

Life just fucking sucks!

Do you ever just feel like beating the living shit out of something?

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK (of course that is underlined in red, it must be spelled wrong.)

Okay. There is not one goddamned thing I can do about it. Just fucking try to think about something else. Let the anger just sit there and simmer. And yes, I have tried to walk it out. Nature is supposed to be so calming. Well, I just got back from a walk - it didn't help.

One more question - why do good people have to die, and bad ones get to live?