I'm off to see the Wizard

Toto, where shall I go? What shall I do? (Maybe I'm thinking of Scarlet O'hare in Gone with the Wind. I'm getting my classic movies mixed up, and showing my age.) I'm off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

Why is that going through my head? Because I am lost. It struck me that I am over the "acute" phase of grief. Today is 6 months since John passed away. (That is the first time I have used the term "passed away".) No wonder I feel sad. Tears are bubbling up and I'm not sure if I can contain them. I don't really cry much, but I never really have. I'm a tough old boot. Even though I think it would be cleansing to cry, it is hard to get there. We watched a movie the other night, and I started crying half way through, and continued until the movie was over. Why is it easier to cry at a movie?

Today is my sister's birthday. That makes me feel like crying too. Daddy is gone, John is gone, but the birthdays, holidays, life events just keep on coming. Life is just sad today.

Back to the Wizard. I love traveling. And, I'm lost now. In a split second, my future changed. No warning, no preparation, blind-sided. I was supposed to get to travel with John. We thought we would get an RV and wonder around the U.S. That was the plan. Damn. So, now I get to do it by myself. And by "get", I mean that totally sarcastically. We were such a good team! Wondering around the U.S. together would have been amazing. I would have dragged him to museums, hiking trails, lakes, botanical gardens, etc. John was a much more experienced traveler and would have given me courage to try new places and new things. He was much more of a "people person" than me, and a lot more courageous in trying new food. He was also very "street smart". That seems very helpful when traveling. And of course, two heads are always better than one. But, he is gone. I hope he is okay. I worry about that. Stupid, I know.

So, now, instead of getting to be part of a team, I get to do it alone. I am standing at a fork in the road, and I am having trouble figuring out which fork to take. I want to get lost and find my way. The magical wizard is out there and I will find him, or die trying. That is the only thing I have left to fear, dying myself, but that is for another post.

If I write my plans on this blog, I am one step closer to turning the plan into action. So here goes....

Tonight, we are going out to celebrate Pat's birthday. My plan is to leave for Louisiana (home, sort of home) on Monday and come back with our beds and a couple of pieces of furniture we need here, in my other home. After that, away I go!!!!!!!!!! I want to get John's CB installed in the truck, and get a camper shell. I do not want to be staying in hotels every night. I really want to be closer to nature than that, so camping sounds delicious. My first destination will be Mount Rushmore. When trucking, we got within 30 miles of Mount Rushmore, but you cannot take an 70' truck sight-seeing. From South Dakota, I plan to continue west to Washington State. I want to see the Mount St. Helen museum and western Oregon is beautiful! I have only been to Canada once, so, north to Vancouver and since I will be that close, on to Alaska. The Grand Canyon is also something we got close to in the truck, but never got to see, so my plan is to travel south from Alaska, through Northern California, east to Nevada, then south to the Grand Canyon. If I haven't found the wizard by then, I want to explore the Gulf Coast all the way through the Florida Keys. If I still haven't found the wizard (and have managed to earn money somehow), the next desired destination is Europe!

Okay, I actually feel better now. Thank you for listening.