Four months ago, today, was the worst possible day.
What can I say about it? How much I miss John? How much John has missed? How do I get used to my "new normal"? What is going to happen next? Etc, etc, etc......
Grief has been described as a bag of popcorn in the microwave. Your thoughts just pop. Pop, pop, pop. Eventually they will settle down and quit popping. It may be a protective thing. I cannot focus on one thought. How much I miss John? That is way too sad to even think about. I don't want to go there right now. How much has John missed? That is even more painful. How do I get used to my "new normal"? Good freaking question. No answer for that one. May as well not even think about it. What is going to happen next? Well, I hope it is good, but still afraid of a bad thing happening.
Pop, pop, pop.
I started this blog entry with the intent of thinking about John. Honoring his memory. But, pop, pop, pop, I can't focus on anything.
Pop, pop, pop.....
I will finish with this thought. WTF am I supposed to do?