Respect or Expect

Everyone that knows me, knows I am a supporter of the Occupy Movement. This picture is from one of the Occupy Facebook pages.

This statement has another meaning for me, as well. Please remember this is my personal blog. This is my story, and my feelings. Of course, I know other people have different stories, and different feelings, but this is how I feel.

Daddy was 73 years old when he died. Him and his wife had celebrated their 10th anniversary in the summer of 2011. They were married 10 years! (For the record, John and I were married for 11 years).  So, for 63 years in the life of Larry Bonner, his wife did not know he even existed.  Okay, make that 62 years. They did date for a little while. I am 50 years old. I was in Daddy's life for all of those. 50 years. That's a long time.  I will make the assumption that when they got married, his wife knew he had children. It was her choice to marry him, knowing he had kids (4 of them). It was not the kids choice to marry her. It was her's and Daddy's. We didn't get to choose her. (Of course, it is Daddy's choice to marry whoever he wants, that is not the point I'm trying to make). The point I am trying to make is that she needs to respect our existence. Or expect resistance.

John died 7 weeks before Daddy. John, my husband. 7 weeks. I know what it feels like to lose your husband. 7 weeks. My John. I know what it feels like. It feels BIG. I am hurt. Hurt big. I KNOW what she is feeling. Been there. Done that.

As big as my loss is, I am not the only one that lost a loved one. John's mother is alive and well. He has three sisters, and multiple nieces and nephews. I am not alone in the loss. I respect their existence. I respect their loss. I made the telephone call to tell them about John. I made the telephone call.

We have not been given the respect of our existence. Therefore, I am giving her resistance.

I could possibly regret it later. Or not. It feels right, right now.

"Your Dad wouldn't want you to act this way". My dad is dead. I would love nothing more than for him to tell me I am wrong.